Kathy Freston, author I’ve never heard of, was on Oprah’s show today about reinvention. Amazon tells me she wrote the following:
Oprah introduced her as a “spiritual coach.” Freston herself talked about her past career as a model, during which she experienced the usual hypercritical assessments of her looks, self-destructive behavior, and a series of toxic relationships. Only when she turned to a spiritual education approach did things start to turn around for her, she said.
Freston indicated there are eight “pillars” to her inner and outer reinvention:
- Meditation. Let go of the ego stuff and get back to center.
- Conscious eating. You stay aware of where your food comes from — how it impacts the environment, how the animals were treated. She’s a vegan (no chicken, steak, fish, eggs, cheese, butter).Oprah joked that even she was thinking about it — just thinking about it. Intriguingly, this one was presented as the “the mother of them all.” It’s about spiritual integrity.
Now, I don’t agree that spiritual integrity requires vegetarianism, though I too am interested in becoming less dependent on meat. There’s just no way I’m giving up a lamb chop or a kick-ass omelet. Sorry. Ain’t happening.
- Visualization. Now this one, I believe in fully. How on earth can you achieve something, or make any change, if you can’t SEE yourself doing it? It’s just the fastest, most powerful “trick” for making a lasting, real change in your life that I know of. I highly recommend learning it, and practicing it.
One simple exercise to get started with it: try to visualize a piece of fruit, like an orange — something mouth-watering. Visualize it as if it were on a table; in your hand; and then, hardest of all, in extreme upclose detail, as if you were a microscopic organism entering through the skin of the orange. See the peel, the zest, the fruit flesh from the perspective of that tiny organism. Because it’s out of our range of experience, it’s most helpful for developing true skill at visualization. I will definitely write on that more later.
- Self-work. Read constantly. Go inside, learn where you’re stuck, and choose a book that will help you push through those boundaries.
- Service. Service towards others gets you out of yourself and helps broaden your focus. It also makes you feel better about yourself, which is always a good thing.
- Having fun, at least once a day. Painting a picture, dancing around the house, whatever.
- Exercise - at least 30 minutes a day, 3-6 times a week. OK, OK, I get it.
- Spiritual practice Whatever that might be for you — church or temple, or less organized practices. Even if it is organized religion, I think you should develop a home-based practice, too — how about a daily devotional or prayer time?
The whole concept of the 21-day cleanse is interesting — it’s not a fast, which I don’t believe in. She calls it a gentler approach — just letting up a little on a few things that make your body less than perfectly healthful. But those few things are actually a lot of things: caffeine, alcohol, sugar, animal products, gluten (what the heck? If you’re not allergic or sensitive, why would gluten be a problem?).
For more info on the cleanse, you can visit Oprah’s website. She’s even blogging about her own experience with the cleanse.
The Story So Far
So, back on this page, I revealed the scary, ugly truth about just how much my life sucks right now. You know what they say: admitting you have a (whole boatload of) problem(s) is half the battle.
Now what the heck do I do? I’ve never been one for flying intuitively — and in fact learning how to distance myself from my “need to control” at all times is really one of my biggest life challenges, I think, at least this go-round on earth. But the truth is this: I’ve always responded much better to well-thought-out, mapped-out, diagrammed-and-drawn plans.
No reason to stop now, right? Plus, I think it holds me more accountable. If I say I’m going to do “x” thing by “y” date, then by Goddess, I’d better do it, else the general public can rightly hold me up to ridicule and scorn. Not that I’m into that kind of thing, mind you. But a little threat of a wee bit of public humiliation can be a powerful motivator.
So, where to begin? If we start with my premise that there’s no reason to focus on “only one thing” — that sometimes wholesale change is easier, and further that this is one of those times — then we need a comprehensive approach. But before I can figure out how to get “there” — I have to figure out where “there” is. We know where “here” is already — that’s the first post.
Where, exactly, am I trying to go? That’s the question for this post. The battle plans complete with mindmaps and lists and to-dos — that comes in the next post.
Setting Ambitions
I like that word — “ambitions.” I like it much better than the word “goals.” Goals sounds so business-like — reminds me waaaay too much of my former life as a corporate cubicle-head and my yearly evaluation, complete with its “objective benchmarks” and “self-analysis” bullshit.
I don’t have goals. I have ambitions. And they are large, and they are many.
Too much to synthesize, so let’s just copy and paste what I wrote in that first post:
- Fifty-eight pounds over the outer edge of my healthy weight zone (which is 138-165, if you’re wondering — do the math and you’ll realize I weigh 223)
- Hypertension
- Chronic headaches (perhaps related to hypertension)
- Chronic back pain and occasional sciatica, related to compressed and ruptured disks and an untreated case of scoliosis in childhood
- Thinning hair
- Somewhat dull and less than smoothly-textured skin; also some age spots on forehead and cheek
- Weak nails that almost always end up split and torn
- Endometriosis
- Complete devolution of fashion and style into elastic-waisted yoga pants and tees with slip-on athletic mules
There’s at least one thing in that list I can’t do anything about — the endometriosis. But there’s also a lot of stuff that can all be remedied with the same actions (weight, blood pressure, general feeling of ickiness).
The vision I have for myself in regards to my body is this: I weigh 150 or so, and I get there is a healthy and easy way, without deprivation or diets or pills. I move easily in my skin, and I generally feel great, without medication. My resting BP is, on average, somewhere around 114 over 98 — again, without medication. I eat good foods, healthfully prepared, but only as much as I need to fuel my body efficiently. I am active and in good physical condition. I can run a mile without getting overwinded; I can also do Chautauranga and a perfect headstand in yoga class. My hair is thick(er), my skin clear. I sleep deeply without waking during the night for at least 7 hours straight. I have a wardrobe filled with clothes that fit me perfectly, that complement my coloring and suit my lifestyle, and are consistent with the image I have of myself as a professional writer, an artistic person who is also a savvy business owner.
I said it was nonexistent, but that I was beginning to think critically about what I wanted in a man. About all I can say here for this area of my life, then, is: I know what and who I want, and I believe with all my heart both that I deserve to have that person in my life, and that it will happen.
I don’t think I can say more right now — I just don’t know enough yet about what the vision looks like to describe it here. So that’s my ambition: to know what that vision looks like. Then it will become: to achieve that vision.
I wrote that I felt overworked and out of control, at least with respect to one of my gigs, and that I needed a lot more freelancing clients.
Here’s my vision for my ideal work life: I work from home, in a beautiful, clean, organized office in which I can always quickly put my hands on whatever I need. All my office/business systems are set up and organized perfectly, and I am on top of all administrative tasks, including financial ones. Every obligation is met; every deadline is beaten by at least 24 hours; nothing is left to the last minute but every to-do is tackled promptly. I say “no” when I can’t meet a demand; if I say “yes,” it’s as good as done and I NEVER procrastinate so much that a deadline is in jeopardy. My reputation among clients and potential clients is one of excellence and dependability. I charge a high but fair price for my services, because I deliver that much in value to my clients. My work satisfies and challenges me, but it leaves me with plenty of time to live my life and enjoy my daughter’s childhood. I work no more than 35 hours a week, total, leaving plenty of time for my writing and other artistic and social pursuits.
The Shack is what it is. There’s too little I can do anything about with respect to the Shack’s nature. Its condition, however, is another story.
My vision for the Temple: I live in a large, clean, light, airy place. It has three bedrooms and a large office; a spa-like master bathroom; furniture of my choosing (instead of that which I inherited by default from others); and art. Oh, and painted walls. I’m sick of white.
Now, this is the difficult part. This place I have in my head clearly isn’t the Shack. It’s a house — a real one, and that means buying it. And that, given the Offerings shortage, is clearly outside my reach right at present.
So, while I’m here, then, the vision is this: I live in a clean, well-maintained place, clutter-free and organized.
It wouldn’t seem that this is such a big stretch for me, would it? Yet if we’re measuring degrees of resistance — which I must — then this is right up there with losing weight for me. Because it’s taking me a really, really long time to work up the nerve to do something about either one.
No more, though; we’re done with the self-recriminations and fear-based decision making. We’re moving on to a life of action and divine creation. We are IN PROGRESS, after all, which necessitates some kind of movement, right?
Ugh. That reaction, by the way, tells you straightaway the essential problem I face in this area: I am not comfortable with the whole concept of money.
My ambition for the offerings: I make at least $10,000 a month. I pay all my debts in full every month, and my credit score is over 800. I have some investments that I made (and which I monitor) myself. Lakshmette has a well-supplied college fund, and I have a fully-funded IRA. I am unafraid of money, and I manage it wisely.
A note about that: yes, I know that the monthly amount is a good bit more than I make currently (that would be the understatement of the year). It is possible. It is not likely. But about this, I am certain: here, above all, I need to aim high and if I miss, at least I’ll still be making more than I am now.
As for the rest — relationships, intellectual pursuits, artistic activities, and the whole “making the world a better place” thing — I’m determined to make these things a way of life.
I see myself engaged in whatever I’m doing at the moment, safely grounded in beginner’s mind, relating to others, with at least a few good friends in the vicinity. I have coffee, or lunch, with one of those friends or more at least a few times a month. (Baby steps.) I paint regularly, take violin lessons (and practice regularly, at least three times a week), and write creatively for my own projects daily — I make the time to do these things because they’re important to my peace of mind and sense of fulfillment.
The Vision In A Nutshell
I don’t see myself being a different person — so in that sense, maybe this blog’s tag about “reinvention” isn’t technically accurate. I see myself like a lump of clay in the process of becoming a sculpture of some sort. The clay that doesn’t belong comes off. It’s not a question of adding new things — it’s a question of becoming more the person I really believe I am at my core.
But in another sense, the person that evolves from these visions isn’t the person I am now, and so that is truly reinvention. I have to believe this is possible, but I feel a little under the gun, to tell the truth — the clock’s ticking on my life (as it is for all of us), so I’m not gonna waste any more time.
These are the pieces of my vision for my life, Act II, and I’m now going to go forth and invent that woman who strolls through those images.
Almost every personal development and self-improvement blogger, writer, and coach out there will tell you the same thing:
If you want to be successful at reinventing your world, your life, yourself - you must, must, must tackle only one goal at a time.
This - pardon me, goddesses - seems like crap to me. Although I’ll entertain the possibility that it’s just my inner Type A perfectionist goddess talking.
Here’s my reasoning: Approaching a goal list as a to-do list, or a task list, means one thing at least — it means you have limited yourself, right off the bat. Thinking of your reinvention plan as a task list means taking a mortal’s approach. Since we’re all goddesses here, we can dispense with the self-limiting talk, and embrace the truth, which is quite simply this: successful reinvention is nothing more than a series of right decisions at the right time.
Since none of us, no matter how divine we might be, can operate outside the laws of time and physics (at least not yet, though I refuse to discount the notion — think of what we could save on airfare alone), we can only live each moment as it comes - not all at once. Because we can only live one moment at a time, we can only make one decision at a time. Ergo - it doesn’t matter how many different kinds of decisions you need to make. You can only make one at a time.
Does that process with you? If I’m right, then there’s no reason you can’t decide to lose weight, improve your career, heat up your sex life, and be a better parent at the same point in your life. Because in each moment, you can only make one decision - do I eat the cookie or do I go exercise? Do I yell at my kid or keep my temper? Do I take on this project or do I skip out of here at 5 on the dot? - it doesn’t matter what the next moment’s decision will be. One thing at a time - only one thing at a time - doesn’t mean one thing at this time in your life.
All that’s true. The problem comes when you’re juggling more than one reinvention project and one of those projects conflicts with another. Say, you want to be more present with your kid. But you also want to lose weight. And kid wants to go out for ice cream. (A simplistic example, to be sure! Bear with me here.) What do you do, hot shot?
A. Decide to go out for ice cream. The kid’s more important.
B. Decide not to go out for ice cream. Without your health, you’re no good to the kid.
C. …?
Can you identify a third option? Go on - give it some thought. I’ll wait. …
It doesn’t matter what you thought of - but if you thought of a third option, any third option, then you get it, for real. One project may appear to conflict with another, but if we give it some thought - if, in short, we use our goddess-powers of creativity - we can usually come up with lots of ideas about how to advance both causes. (Go out for ice cream but suggest frozen yogurt instead? Take the kid to a park after the ice cream shop to work off some calories shooting hoops? The possibilities are endless.)
Dean Ornish, the doc/author who created and advocated for a radically different lifestyle approach to heal and head off heart disease, agrees, by the way. His plan represented massive change in the way most US citizens eat, exercise (or don’t), and live. I recall reading in one of his first books a passage that echoed what I’m talking about. Paraphrased, highly:
If this is overwhelming to you, and you’re tempted to tackle one small change then another, consider a different approach. Sometimes, mastering many small changes sequentially is actually more difficult than making a clean sweep. Sometimes, wholesale change is actually easier.
So I’m jamming my planner full. However, I want to make sure that they meet what I’ll call Four Goddess Guidelines for determining when a project is worthy of my divine attention and effort:
- The project’s outcome can be clearly defined and somewhat qualitatively measured. In short, I’ll know when I’ve arrived at the endgame, and what the final score is.
- The project gets my heart racing a little; it excites me to think about it. It’s something I feel passionately about.
- It feels right to me. (In other words: trust your intuition.)
- Finally, it’s a “want to” as opposed to a “should do” (note: not necessarily a must-do, ’cause sometimes, a goddess has to do what a goddess has to do.)
So, if you, like me, have about a gazillion improvements you want to make in your life, and you don’t want to wait, why should you have to? Give it a try. Maybe you can make those right decisions, one at a time, in sequence, and learn how to make it look effortless. Maybe we both can.
What are my gazillion improvements? Ah … that’s for another post.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I will start strong and flame out spectacularly. I dunno. I guess we’ll all find out together!
