Kathy Freston, author I’ve never heard of, was on Oprah’s show today about reinvention. Amazon tells me she wrote the following:

• Quantum Wellness: A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Health and Happiness
• The One: Finding Soulmate Love and Making It Last
• Expect a Miracle: 7 Spiritual Steps to Finding the Right Relationship

Oprah introduced her as a “spiritual coach.” Freston herself talked about her past career as a model, during which she experienced the usual hypercritical assessments of her looks, self-destructive behavior, and a series of toxic relationships. Only when she turned to a spiritual education approach did things start to turn around for her, she said.

Freston indicated there are eight “pillars” to her inner and outer reinvention:

1. Meditation. Let go of the ego stuff and get back to center.
2. Conscious eating. You stay aware of where your food comes from — how it impacts the environment, how the animals were treated. She’s a vegan (no chicken, steak, fish, eggs, cheese, butter).Oprah joked that even she was thinking about it — just thinking about it. Intriguingly, this one was presented as the “the mother of them all.” It’s about spiritual integrity.

   Now, I don’t agree that spiritual integrity requires vegetarianism, though I too am interested in becoming less dependent on meat. There’s just no way I’m giving up a lamb chop or a kick-ass omelet. Sorry. Ain’t happening.

3. Visualization. Now this one, I believe in fully. How on earth can you achieve something, or make any change, if you can’t SEE yourself doing it? It’s just the fastest, most powerful “trick” for making a lasting, real change in your life that I know of. I highly recommend learning it, and practicing it.
   One simple exercise to get started with it: try to visualize a piece of fruit, like an orange — something mouth-watering. Visualize it as if it were on a table; in your hand; and then, hardest of all, in extreme upclose detail, as if you were a microscopic organism entering through the skin of the orange. See the peel, the zest, the fruit flesh from the perspective of that tiny organism. Because it’s out of our range of experience, it’s most helpful for developing true skill at visualization. I will definitely write on that more later.
4. Self-work. Read constantly. Go inside, learn where you’re stuck, and choose a book that will help you push through those boundaries.
5. Service. Service towards others gets you out of yourself and helps broaden your focus. It also makes you feel better about yourself, which is always a good thing.
6. Having fun, at least once a day. Painting a picture, dancing around the house, whatever.
7. Exercise - at least 30 minutes a day, 3-6 times a week. OK, OK, I get it.
8. Spiritual practice Whatever that might be for you — church or temple, or less organized practices. Even if it is organized religion, I think you should develop a home-based practice, too — how about a daily devotional or prayer time?

The whole concept of the 21-day cleanse is interesting — it’s not a fast, which I don’t believe in. She calls it a gentler approach — just letting up a little on a few things that make your body less than perfectly healthful. But those few things are actually a lot of things: caffeine, alcohol, sugar, animal products, gluten (what the heck? If you’re not allergic or sensitive, why would gluten be a problem?).

For more info on the cleanse, you can visit Oprah’s website. She’s even blogging about her own experience with the cleanse.

So, has anyone else read this month’s issue of … oh, crap. I don’t know what magazine it is! Allure, I think. Anyway, there’s this piece in it where they talk to a bunch of medical researchers and exercise pros.

And more than one of them agree: exercise isn’t going to do much to help you lose weight.

Seriously?!

I mean — what the hell have I been doing all this time!?

And — do you comprehend what this means for me?! (Not to mention all the thousands of others out there with pain conditions who can’t exercise strenuously but need to lose weight.)

OK, obviously, there are other reasons to exercise but right now, it looks like my original plan of daily walks and yoga sessions was the best one after all.

The difference: I really have to cut down on what I eat.

Y’know, that, I think I can live with.

We were playing around with the digital cameras last night. I got snapped — well, let’s just say it wasn’t a pretty picture.

Bloated. Tired expression. Thin hair pulled back into a too-tight ponytail giving me this pinched, angry look. And the roundness in the face, the double chin, the …

Yeah. I’m done.

It’s been a week. One week of half-a-mile walking. I can’t even make it a mile. I give up as soon as it gets uncomfortable.

But this image problem isn’t going away in half a mile a day and a few gentle yoga poses. It ain’t going to fix itself unless I get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

So. New plan: a self-induced boot camp.

The folks at Biggest Loser do this, right? Several workouts a day? I don’t have time for four hours of this nonsense, but I do have time for a more focused approach.

I went through my DVDs. I’ve got quite a few. Turbo Body Jam. Yoga Booty Ballet. The New York City Ballet workout. Several yoga DVDs. The Budokan workout. A Pilates DVD.

Sad, isn’t it?

OK, so what do I know?

• I can’t just start out with two workouts a day. Not at full speed anyway.
• I do need to push myself more than I am, though.
• I do have a back problem to look out for, as well as hypertension. I’m also obese.

I need, therefore, to focus first on core stabilization, on getting used to exercising, on building stamina and aerobic fitness. Pilates speaks to the first; any of them will work for the second; something aerobic for the third.

I still think walking is the best idea for aerobic work. It’s recommended most often for folks with orthopedic issues and with obesity.

So, tomorrow (no rest, no delay, no time to question myself and talk myself out of it this time) I’m starting a new regimen:

1. AM: Pilates and yoga for an hour
2. AM or PM: 30 minutes of walking fast
3. Midday: alternate one of the workouts (NYC Ballet, Yoga Booty, & TurboJam)

Yi. Kes.

I chickened out. And I’ve been afraid to even admit it, so I stayed away from this blog all week.

The truth is, my life is so up and down — such a freaky roller-coaster ride — that sometimes I get consumed with pure survival issues. Putting food on the table, keeping the lights on. That kind of thing.

It’s been that kind of week. The good news is, it’s over, and things will be MUCH better next week.

But that’s an excuse, and that’s the truth. I let my stress give me a free pass from starting my program this week. I made that choice.

And if I keep making those choices, I’m not going to reinvent anything.

So, I’m taking this weekend to get myself straightened out. I’m going to clean the house as much as possible — scrubbing, Pine-Sol, bleach in the sinks kind of cleaning. Physical labor as meditation. And while I’m doing that, I’m going to seriously question my priorities.

Is this something I really, really, really want to do? Or am I doing it because I think I should?

Is my motivation pure?

Is my approach sound? Maybe I do need to rethink that whole “everything at once” approach.